Genesis 32-33: O God of my father

Jacob did not leave on very good terms with his brother Esau. He stole his brother's birthright and his blessing, then ran away fearing for his life. Jacob's fear of Esau never left him. For twenty years it gnawed away at his insides. There were probably days where he forgot, possibly even months and years, but it was always there: My brother wants to kill me. Then God came along asking him to return to his home, promising him that things would go well for him. I imagine Jacob was in pretty good spirits when he left. Things had turned a little sour in his relationship with his father-in-law Laban and I'm sure he was happy to get out of there (maybe there is a pattern here?). Plus, he had a promise from God that good things were going to happen.

He sent messengers ahead to inform Esau that he was returning. He even told his messengers to refer to Esau as "My Master" thinking he could soften Esau's anger with his show of humility. It didn't appear to work. His messengers returned with frightening news: Esau is on his way, and he is bringing with him 400 men. Any semblance of outward calm Jacob was able to portray up to this point crumbled. All of his fears were renewed. Everything he had dreaded was descending on him. And he had no where to run. He was caught between two relationships he had destroyed. Why would God bring him here? This didn't seem like the "good" he was promised. This seemed like a lot of bad and it all started with God telling him to leave and return to his home. In desperation he cried out to God.

"O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O Eternal One who said to me, 'You must now return to the land of your ancestors and to your own family. I will make good things happen for you.' I know I am not worthy of even a little of all of the loyal love and faithfulness You have shown to me, Your servant... Rescue me now, please, from the hand of my brother, from the grip of Esau." Gen. 32:9-10 (the Voice)

 Jacob had no where else to turn but to God. He was desperate, but God had a larger vision than he realized. He wanted more for Jacob than Jacob wanted for himself.  He wanted Jacob to be free and whole, something he could not have experienced if he had spent his whole life running from his problems and his failed relationships. In order to experience the life that God wanted for him and for his children, Jacob had to change. He had to be taken to a place where he could no longer rely on his own strength.

This is the same place God wants to take us. He wants us to realize how much we are in bondage to our own brokenness. He wants us to stop running away, to sit with Him throughout the night, to wrestle with him until we find peace. God names His people Israel - this literally means "struggles with God." It is in this struggle that we discover ourselves and we discover God. It is through this struggle that we find freedom and salvation.